Derelict Junction

Providing missile launch codes for foreign cryptographers everywhere.

Sunday, August 21, 2005

Irreverent Rules to Live by #1 & #2.

There's an amazing book called Rockin' Steady by the great New York Knicks guard Walt "Clyde" Frazier that documents his best learned rules of modern (70's) etiquette. If you ever find it in a used bookstore, or see it for sale on the street corner, do yourself a favor and pick it up. Although you won't be able to incorporate much of his dated advice into your daily routine, you might be inspired to jot down your own social guidelines. If you've lived a rich enough life, it might come distantly close to that of Clyde's.

So in that spirit, here's some of the only rules I've learned that are worthy of passing on to future generations or stuffing into time capsules. If I can remember who taught me these, I'll give due credit. Observe:
1. Drew once told me that, because it was his greatest and most defining performance, Ben Kingsley should always be referred to as "Gandhi". So you should have no problem in casual conversation saying, "Wasn't Gandhi great in Sexy Beast?" or "Liam Neeson was good, but Gandhi was the real star of Schindler's List."

2. From my friend Mac, via a close friend of his, whenever you meet someone famous, think of the worst thing they've done and ask them if that was them. For example, if you meet Joel Schumacher, be sure to say, "Joel Schumacher... Didn't you do D.C. Cab with Mr. T?" Or if you meet Ice-T say, "Weren't you in Breakin' and Breakin' 2 Electric Boogaloo?"
Those should get you thrown out of a few after-parties.



At 5:35 AM, Anonymous mike said...

Here's a rule to live by told to me by one Jim Vaughn: If you're ever in a pinch where a cop is on the fence about whether to arrest you or let you wander home, Shit Your Pants. More than likely, he won't want to deal with you after that.

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