Derelict Junction

Providing missile launch codes for foreign cryptographers everywhere.

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Speaking of great satire...

Where the hell is the video footage of this?

Borat Tackles Pamela Anderson

Our hero, Borat.

Sunday, August 28, 2005

In the Ghet-to!

There's a great line in Hitchcock's Vertigo where, after finding out that a woman lives in San Francisco's Mission District, the Jimmy Stewart character says, "The Mission? Why that's skid row!"

Now, I'm not a huge believer in corporate conspiracies to keep certain communities down, but this is rather egregious. Check out this Johnny Walker billboard that was up at Mission and 15th Street:
That's right, it's a blurred out Johnny Walker logo with the tag line "Drink Your Self Blind". Just imagine the uproar that would arise if that billboard went up in an affluent suburban neighborhood. In San Francisco's skid row, though, no one seems to care.

Sunday, August 21, 2005

Irreverent Rules to Live by #1 & #2.

There's an amazing book called Rockin' Steady by the great New York Knicks guard Walt "Clyde" Frazier that documents his best learned rules of modern (70's) etiquette. If you ever find it in a used bookstore, or see it for sale on the street corner, do yourself a favor and pick it up. Although you won't be able to incorporate much of his dated advice into your daily routine, you might be inspired to jot down your own social guidelines. If you've lived a rich enough life, it might come distantly close to that of Clyde's.

So in that spirit, here's some of the only rules I've learned that are worthy of passing on to future generations or stuffing into time capsules. If I can remember who taught me these, I'll give due credit. Observe:
1. Drew once told me that, because it was his greatest and most defining performance, Ben Kingsley should always be referred to as "Gandhi". So you should have no problem in casual conversation saying, "Wasn't Gandhi great in Sexy Beast?" or "Liam Neeson was good, but Gandhi was the real star of Schindler's List."

2. From my friend Mac, via a close friend of his, whenever you meet someone famous, think of the worst thing they've done and ask them if that was them. For example, if you meet Joel Schumacher, be sure to say, "Joel Schumacher... Didn't you do D.C. Cab with Mr. T?" Or if you meet Ice-T say, "Weren't you in Breakin' and Breakin' 2 Electric Boogaloo?"
Those should get you thrown out of a few after-parties.

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Register to vote now (and often)!

My Dad's running for City Council back in Massachusetts. All I have to say is, if his opponent is a Jets fan, he should mop the floor with 'em!

See for yourself:

Vote Cleary!

Monday, August 08, 2005

The Green-Eyed Monster (Again).

When I was young, my mom would call my childhood cat "The Green Eyed Monster". He was definitely one of my happiest memories of being a kid. Such personality; he would go out into the woods, get into fights with other cats/animals, then come back and crawl into my bed to sleep. Even when my brother and I slept in bunk beds, he'd climb the frames to the top bunk and curl up under my chin. One Thanksgiving he came home so beaten up that he lost an eye and had to have an operation that I know my mom couldn't afford, but I pleaded her to get done simply because he continued, even in his battered state, to crawl into bed with me. I figured, if it still made him feel good to be with me then that's all the reason to keep him around, despite all his bad habits.

Well, there's a current Green Eyed Monster in my apartment, who I just went through another dramatic incident with. My current cat, the magnificent Maine Coon Beast Oswald, had his third bout with a urinary tract blockage. I don't dare disturb you with the details, but suffice it to say, it's quite harrowing. Luckily, after a very emotional early morning emergency hospital visit, and some rather serious surgery later, he's doing absolutely fine. In fact, he's back to his usual routine of eating, sleeping, sneaking into my roommate's rooms, playing with my Ipod earphones, and trying to terrorize the birds outside the window.

When I got him eight years ago, I had this misguided idea that despite all my bad habits he would climb into my bed without any judgments, just to be with me. In some ways that's true, but it's been much deeper than I imagined. No doubt, the affinity he shows me is absolutely mind-boggling, and more than I ever thought a pet capable of, but the unconditional affection that I thought I could con a lesser being out of has back-fired. I realized this as he, the one with the catheter and I.V. coming out of him, once again tried to calm me down during hospital visiting hours. All his unconditional affection had unwittingly given me more purpose than I ever imagined, probably more than I ever wanted, and definitely more than I ever thought I was capable of. So, he totally out-smarted me.

On a side note, this was the third time he's had to be admitted to a hospital and once again, the hospital staff fell for all his pretty-cat charms, especially the female nurses and doctors. They all couldn't stop talking about how great he was. Even the doctor went on and on about him! Someone told me he must have picked that up from living with 3 single guys, but I think he's had it all along.

Anyway, I'm just happy to have him back to his old, gimpy self.