Derelict Junction

Providing missile launch codes for foreign cryptographers everywhere.

Sunday, July 25, 2004

Investigative Journalism at it's Best


My company has decided to move from San Francisco to Las Vegas. FROM San Francisco, TO Las Vegas. While it might sound absurd, there actually are sound reasons behind the decision, mostly financial. It appears there'd be an annual savings of a million dollars because of the lack of tax laws in Nevada. Also, since the company intends to hire 300 more people in the customer service department, there would also be a substantial savings with regards to new hires, since the starting salary for the average employee in Vegas is much less than in SF. (Although, managment insists that has nothing to do with the decision, which is about as believable as Jerry Buss saying trading Shaquille O'Neal had nothig to do with Kobe Bryant. Sure, that's the official position, but I'm not buying it. We'll see if they cop the same reasoning when all those jobs get sent to India.)

So now you're up to speed. Therefore, Vegas is on everyone's minds, or as Mick Jones put it, "Should I stay, or should I go?" Thankfully, we have the good "news" people at Time/Warner to let us know what a great place Vegas has turned into since they abandoned the "family-friendly" themes and focused back on the art of silicon implants. As nice and fluffy as Time portrays it, it's in stark contrast to the recent five-part New York Times piece, exposing Vegas as a place of broken dreams and hard living ("Seekers, Drawn to Las Vegas, Find a Broken Promised Land"). In fact, while the Times articles are full of comprehensive profiles and boring statistics, the Time piece revolves around the writer's own quest for a good time, and (surprise!) finding it in the best place to spend your vacation this year, if you're asking him, because you're such good friends. Seriously, it's not like he's been commissioned by the Las Vegas Tourism Bureau, or anything, just in case you're wondering, buddy. After all, such a reputable organization as Time/Warner would never succumb to special interests that they might accidentally benefit from. It's just as a matter of conversation, dude. Vegas is great, understand? (Lots of big tits there, you like that?)

My favorite part of the article is where they attribute the increase in tourism to the re-Sexing Up of Vegas. That's exactly what it has to be. A hugely significant act of international terrorism certainly couldn't be responsible for the decline of American tourism abroad, right? Get real, hippy! Sarcasm aside, the writer really should be embarrassed that he left out the effect of 9/11 on US tourism. Then again, selective non-analysis is par for the Time Magazine course, especially when it works to their advantage.

The last time I was there, and I'm not making this up (not this time), the lady who checked me into the hotel found out I was thinking of moving there and said, "Sure the weather's better in San Francisco, but think of this: If you want to go to France, you just go downtown! You want to go to Egypt, you just go downtown!" To which I wish I said, "Yeah, where do they ever come up with those ideas? Those designers are so damn creative, aren't they?" Now, maybe that attitude has something to do with classic American lethargy, but how can it not be influenced by the new 9/11-inspired suspicion of foreign lands?

On a side note, a friend of mine went to the Paris casino for Bastille Day, and they didn't have anything special going on! -Absolutely no indication of Bastille Day whatsoever! -In a supposedly French-themed casino! What, the, fuck?! I guess that's what happens when you let toothless rednecks pretend they're French in public.

More on Vegas to come...