Derelict Junction

Providing missile launch codes for foreign cryptographers everywhere.

Saturday, October 15, 2005

When Geek Worlds Collide.

Last month, Bourdet and I saw Vancouver super-group the New Pornographers at Bimbo's. As is the custom, during the song breaks, while Crazy Carl Newman is doing comedy crowd-work and Neko Case plays along like a saint, people like myself will randomly scream out song requests (the word "Free" & "bird" were never spoken).

During a quiet moment, I screamed "YYZ!" Some dude near us started screaming "YYZ" as well. Being good Canadians, they obliged us for just a moment and started playing this sacred anthem of Rush lore before realizing the inherant hilarity and stopped.

For those who know not the YYZ, you are pure. Please turn away from the screen. For those who want to see what happens when the worlds of computer animation and obsessive Rush fans collide, try this:

But you've been warned! -Not a hit point of charisma to be found. You can thank/blame Shuggie for bringing this fine piece into your consciousness.

Conversely, plenty of charisma here:

Friday, October 14, 2005

Let's stick with music...

Can you tell the difference?:

If you were as drunk as Liam Gallagher, probably not:
Also, and this might not be a popular opinion, but I have to nominate System of a Down as the worst band in the world right now. Critics continue to sing their praises, all the while ignoring their overwhelming Spinal Tap nature. Only problem with SoaD is, they are 100% serious. No irony, no satire, no joke. Here's a sample of some of their lyrics:
From "Peephole":
"When your stars are baked,
And your rivers fly,
Do you ever believe you were stuck out in the, Sky,

When your castle breaks,
And your feet are dry,
Do you ever believe you were stuck out in the, Sky,

When your moon is fake,
And your mermaids cry,
Do you ever believe you were stuck out in the, Sky..."
Totally serious.
From "Darts":
"Art Thou Not Human Man,
Not Human Man Art Thou.

Arise as did the gods Ninti, and Ishkur!"
No Irony.

And now for some intentional humor...
Don Asmussen

Saturday, October 08, 2005


'Been a while since I've been back here. Even now, I gotta keep it short. So, for you amusement:
The Shittiest Mix Tape Competition
That guy, Aziz Ansari, is now my new hero, simply for going through with it.

As I told Sean, here's my list of 5 worst songs mixtape:
1. Billy Joel's "We Didn't Start the Fire"
2-5. Doesn't matter.
Song #1 puts me over the top and crowns me the indisputed all-time champion of this competition.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Local Douchebag of the Year Award...

I'd nominate this guy, but it seems like he's gonna simply run away fromt he rest of the pack. Therefore, Bay Area Douchebag of the Year goes to SF Gate columnist Mark Morford, who in responding to emails complaining that his weekend coverage of Burning Man excess during the worst Natural Disaster in American History wrote:

"In other words, in the aftermath of hurricanes and national tragedies and in the face of the most ham-fisted and heartless and freedom-stabbing administration in recent American history, we need this sort of "trifling" Burning Man fluff more than ever, to act as spark, as beacon, as counterbalance. I know, it's not a perfect idea. It solves no ecological woes. It saves no lives from the floodwaters. But it's all we've got.

Burning Man is nothing if not all about the celebration of life, the illumination of spirit and the glittery determination of the human soul to find raw joy in the world no matter what, to redefine community and break out of normal modes of thought and to openly thwart the demons of uptight neo-conservative sexless dogma, with drinks. To not only survive, but to survive with humor and style and joy and dust and many open-mouthed screams of dangerous bliss, with fire."

See, what I failed to realize is that Morford's coverage of Burning Man was actually helping soothe the pain of Hurricane Katrina.

Hey, I'll be the first to admit that I watched college football over the weekend, but unlike the Burning Man douchebag faithful, I at no point built that up to be anything other than a short diversion and completely insignificant compared to the events in the Gulf.

How pompus and absurd it would be if I droned on about how, now more than ever, we need college football (even though people of that community are probably more interested in LSU and Tulane football more than a bunch of skeevy self-described artists taking drugs in the desert). Burning Man attendees aren't burdened with such humility.

Everyone who comes back from Burning Man boasts of a life-changing experience, but the fact that Morford couldn't put that on hold to show a bit of respect and/or empathy for the Gulf Disaster, other than how Burning Man relates to it, breaks new self-absorbed ground, even for Burning Man people.

Here's a news break, Mark: Burning Man doesn not make you totally unique!

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Speaking of great satire...

Where the hell is the video footage of this?

Borat Tackles Pamela Anderson

Our hero, Borat.

Sunday, August 28, 2005

In the Ghet-to!

There's a great line in Hitchcock's Vertigo where, after finding out that a woman lives in San Francisco's Mission District, the Jimmy Stewart character says, "The Mission? Why that's skid row!"

Now, I'm not a huge believer in corporate conspiracies to keep certain communities down, but this is rather egregious. Check out this Johnny Walker billboard that was up at Mission and 15th Street:
That's right, it's a blurred out Johnny Walker logo with the tag line "Drink Your Self Blind". Just imagine the uproar that would arise if that billboard went up in an affluent suburban neighborhood. In San Francisco's skid row, though, no one seems to care.

Sunday, August 21, 2005

Irreverent Rules to Live by #1 & #2.

There's an amazing book called Rockin' Steady by the great New York Knicks guard Walt "Clyde" Frazier that documents his best learned rules of modern (70's) etiquette. If you ever find it in a used bookstore, or see it for sale on the street corner, do yourself a favor and pick it up. Although you won't be able to incorporate much of his dated advice into your daily routine, you might be inspired to jot down your own social guidelines. If you've lived a rich enough life, it might come distantly close to that of Clyde's.

So in that spirit, here's some of the only rules I've learned that are worthy of passing on to future generations or stuffing into time capsules. If I can remember who taught me these, I'll give due credit. Observe:
1. Drew once told me that, because it was his greatest and most defining performance, Ben Kingsley should always be referred to as "Gandhi". So you should have no problem in casual conversation saying, "Wasn't Gandhi great in Sexy Beast?" or "Liam Neeson was good, but Gandhi was the real star of Schindler's List."

2. From my friend Mac, via a close friend of his, whenever you meet someone famous, think of the worst thing they've done and ask them if that was them. For example, if you meet Joel Schumacher, be sure to say, "Joel Schumacher... Didn't you do D.C. Cab with Mr. T?" Or if you meet Ice-T say, "Weren't you in Breakin' and Breakin' 2 Electric Boogaloo?"
Those should get you thrown out of a few after-parties.